Life Is A Series Of Moments
by Vreeka
Summary: Three-part story. "She still doesn't understand why it happened, but sometime's there is no answer. She only knows that life and death happen, to all of us." 10 moments Buffy wishes she could forget and 10 she's glad she won't. Ultimately B/A
1. The Bad

Disclaimer: No copyright intended, Characters and situations belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: 10 moments Buffy wishes she could forget and 10 she's glad she won't. This part are moments from the series. Inspired by my first fanfic, The Watcher's Diary. You don't have to read that to get this, but you should anyways! Will be a two-part story. Ultimately B/A

Spoilers: Everything up til Chosen.

A/N: Of course, there being 7 seasons of Buffy there are millions of moments I could have chosen from. But these 10 stood out for me. Some others too, but too difficult to write about those. So here they are. The order is chronological, seemed to make the most sense.

OH, and please review! Thanks!

* * *

Life Is A Series Of Moments.

_**There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. **_

_**~ Carl Jung**_

1.

_Your boyfriend is dead. You're all gonna join him._

__Now, she doesn't understand how she hadn't know it wasn't Angel. The only thing Angel and Angelus had in common, was the body they shared. Of course, there was no possible way she could have known, and of course she didn't know everything about Angel, far from it, but his love, she knew it better than herself. That night, she hadn't seen it at all. His eyes were dead, and his voice had been cold. And the things he had said... everything had been like a big flashing sign saying "I'm not Angel". And then she knew for sure. She had felt like such a fool for not seeing it sooner, but in the grand scheme of things, that had been the least important thing to go through her mind.

She always knew she'd face evil things, determined to end her and the ones around her. But this was by far, the worst of them. A sadistic killer wearing the face of the man she loved. Angelus was just as good at hurting her as Angel had been at loving her. Never since then, had it been so hard to fight the big bad she was up against. Every time she faced him, she only felt weaker. She tried to be strong, and pretend like he was just any other bad guy, but that is all it was. Pretending. What she really wanted, more than anything, was to fall into his arms, and simply let him hold her. This desire, just made everything that much harder, because, at the time, she thought it would never happen again.

When she had that first chance to kill him, it was no surprise that she didn't. Some part of her had hoped he was still in there, and that he'd come back. Which was naive at best, but truthfully, it was plain and simple denial. As the slayer, she knew better than anyone what a vampire was. A killer, nothing more. And Angelus had thoroughly proved that, and still, Buffy couldn't bring herself to do it. She had paid dearly for that mistake. First Jenny, and then Giles.

But if she had managed to kill him in that mall, he may have never come back. And, as horrible a person as it made her, she was glad she hadn't.

2.

_What's happening?_

_Shhhh.. don't worry about it. I love you._

_I love you._

_Close your eyes._

Killing Angel is still the hardest thing she's ever had to do. She had just come to terms with him being gone to her forever, and there he was again. The love for her shining in his eyes as it always had. For a moment, she was willing to give it all up for him. Let Acathla suck the world into hell, and they would have at least been together. But she knew she had to do what was right, and so she killed him. She saved the world, and in turn lost her own. In killing him, she had killed a part of herself as well. She was never the same ever again.

In one way, it had forced her to grow up. To give up the childish illusion that in the end, everything would be ok. Because it wasn't. Angel was gone; the only person she ever loved with all her heart and soul was suffering in Hell, and she had been the one to send him there. It had made her see that there was no such thing as the happy ending. Life wasn't a fairytale, It was pain, and loss, death and despair. Life had its own plans, and nothing she did would ever change that. She saw for the first time, what being the slayer really meant. It meant putting her wants and desires after everything else. It was a truth she hadn't been ready to accept. So she ran from it. She hid, but as it turns out, she couldn't escape her destiny.

Everything leading up to the moment she rammed the sword through him, had been her fault. Angel losing his soul in the first place, Jenny dying, Giles getting tortured, all the other countless people dying by Angelus' hand, it all lead back to her. She wanted to punish herself for it, but she hadn't known how. So when he turned back into Angel, she had known. It was her karma, life's way of making her pay for all her mistakes. She just wish he hadn't had to pay them for her. The guilt of killing the love of her life, never left her. Even after he came back, it was still there. He had never blamed her, only himself. But she did. It was a long time till she could look at herself in the mirror without feeling disgust.

And of course, it had been his love that had gotten her through it.

3.

_I want my life to be with you._

_I don't._

She never thought she'd have to go through it again. And even though she was used to not getting what she wanted out of life, it still came as a shock. Angel was leaving her, again. And in some ways, it was worse. He would still be alive and so would she, but they'd no longer be together. She wouldn't ever be cradled in his arms again, or feel his cool lips on her own. He was lost to her, and Buffy knew she'd never find a love like that ever again. He was her other half, her soulmate, the yin to her yang, all the cheesy cliches about love she'd heard, had some truth to them. And for her, Angel fit inside them all, to a T. She can't deny that she always knew it was doomed, a slayer and a vampire in love wasn't likely to last after all. And being with him was hard, beyond anything else, but loving him was easy. Natural, as if she was born just to love him. She wasn't good at much, other than defeating the vamps and demons that crossed her, but she was great at loving him. Yes, all the cheesy cliches of love, easily defined her and Angel.

She always had a feeling that somehow love would transcend it all, beat the odds. After all, a love like theirs didn't come everyday, so it had to last. But, when it didn't, she had lost faith in love. If a bond as true as theirs couldn't be, then what point was there? Why love when all it does is hurt in the end? So, Angel left and with him, he took her ability to love another.

And therein lay the loophole she hadn't failed to see. She wouldn't ever love _**another, **_but she'd always love him. They might never be together again, but she'd be his girl, always. If he ever needed her, she'd be there in a second. So, some things hadn't changed after all. He would always be the love of her life, and sometimes she'd deny that to herself, but they didn't call it 'the one' for no reason, did they?

So, despite the agony she felt at losing him, she was grateful to have had the chance to go through life with Angel at her side, no matter how fleeting it had been._  
_

4.

_Let me go! Let me go! ... I have to go home! She's with my mother! ... you don't understand... she's taken my... my body._

The sensation of occupying a body that isn't your own isn't a pleasant one. Especially when it belongs to someone who's loathed you more than anyone else in the world. Then realizing all this person is capable of doing to the ones Buffy loved, of all the things she had already done. To say she was freaked out, was putting it mildly. She was beyond terrified. First for her family, then for herself. And then, what if she had to stay where she was for the rest of her life? No one knowing who she really was. No one listening to her, no matter how much she tried. Then, she had been caught by the council. This had made matters worse, and she hadn't thought that was possible. She would end up paying for things she had never done. More locked up than she had already felt. But she got lucky, and had managed to escape.

Then there was everything Faith had done with her body. Which wasn't much, thankfully. It could have gone so much horribly worse. Save for a few things, or one really. Riley. It had hurt that he couldn't tell the difference between her and Faith. She knew she was being illogical, since there was no way he could have known. She couldn't change how she felt about it though. It was a flashback to another moment in Buffy's long history with Faith. And even though this time she hadn't seen it, she could still picture it in her mind. And she really wished she couldn't.

Fortunately, this body swap hadn't lasted long. And as much as she had hated the whole thing, she couldn't help but feel, that somehow, it had changed something inside Faith. During their last fight, she saw something, almost imperceptible in Faith's eyes. So, she could have lived without the experience, but if she had finally somehow helped Faith, gotten through to her at last, she'd take it.

And, she didn't know it at the time, but she had.

5.

_Harder..._

_...So this is my fault? Hey, gee, Buffy's so mysterious, I think I'll go out and almost die. I think I'll go and let some other w..._

__Of all the horrible things to happen in her life, this is the one that surprises her the least. This isn't saying it didn't hurt because it did or that she saw it coming. Just that, she had always expected something to go horribly wrong. She was more familiar with disaster than happiness those days. She can even say that she understands the feeling behind it. Its something akin to what she had gone through with Spike. And she can see how she pushed him to it. But she won't go as far as taking all the blame though. Because he had turned to another before ever confronting her about it, and nothing would ever justify that.

So, even if she had convinced him to stay, she doesn't know if it would have been a bridge they could have repaired. She didn't know if she would have ever been able to forget that moment, walking into the room and seeing him with that.. that vampire. He had lied and cheated yes, but he had also betrayed everything she stood for. And as much as she understood the feeling, the action itself, was still unfathomable to her. Even considering she had let a vampire bite her, but she had done that out of love, to save his life. Riley had been risking his life, for what exactly? She still didn't completely get that.

Looking back, she knows she had never truly let Riley in. After Angel, she had closed her heart off, so he had never really had a chance to begin with. Being with Riley, was safe, guaranteed to be painless. It was only safe because she hadn't risked herself by loving him. She regrets this, because he was a great man. He loved her more than she deserved, and eventually, she might have been able to love him back.

But, it wasn't meant to be.

6.

_Mom? Mom? ...Mommy?_

Losing her mother is the worst moment of her life. Finding Joyce on the couch with her eyes open.. it's a memory Buffy can't shake and the pain of it stabs her through the heart everytime it flashes behind her eyes. No matter what they say, she knows it will hurt forever. She knows no one has the perfect relationship with their parents, and hers is no exception, but she loved her mother like no one else in the world. She always knew someday 'it' would happen, but she had never counted on it being so soon. Especially not after everything that had happened. Joyce dying was the last thing Buffy had expected. She had completely thought that they had escaped that evil, kick its butt. And she was just beginning to take advantage and enjoy in the relationship she still had with her mother. She had been given a second chance to make it better. And life ripped it from her. Or well, life had been ripped from Joyce.

At first, it was beyond hard. Trying to be the grown up, the strong one for Dawn. It was a role she wasn't used to. Not in the non-vampires and demons aspect of her life anyways. More than anything, she didn't want it. Because that's how it had always been. Joyce was the strong one, and she was gone. Being strong, meant not having her mom anymore. And Buffy couldn't face that. Her mom had always been the one constant in Buffy's life, so for the first time, she truly felt alone.

She is still supremely grateful to Angel for being there that night. With everyone else she had to be slayer Buffy, the one who could handle anything. And God knows she tried. But he came, and there was someone Buffy could lean on. She didn't have to pretend with him, never had. He held her in his strong arms, and let her cry. It had made life after Joyce, a little easier to bear, and she would always owe him for that. So, despite the agony of losing her mom, she felt comforted.

Buffy may have lost her mother in the physical sense, but she was a part of Joyce. So, she carried her inside, always. It wasn't in the way she wanted, but it was enough.

7.

_Our spell. Our resurrection spell worked like a magic charm. We brought you back to life, Buffy. Right where we left her._

As the slayer, she had never expected to have much in common with vampires. In fact, this had been number one on her list of things she never expected to share with them. But as it turns out, she had more in common with her mortal enemy than she ever thought. An extensive night life, extra-strength, fast healing, just to name a few. And now this. Dying and coming back to life, and worse waking up in her coffin. For a fleeting moment, she had even considered the possiblity that she was a vampire. But only momentarily, the realization that she was in her grave made her heart pump furiously and she knew she hadn't joined the un-dead.

Waking up in your coffin is one fear every human has at one point in their life, and in most cases, its an irrational one. But Buffy's life, had never been like most cases. So the fact that she had never thought it would happen, should have only indicated that it would. And somehow it had been worse than just that. She didn't know if she would ever get out, and being in her coffin not dead, and eventually dying in it, scared her more than she had ever been. The fear didn't last long though, because, for the first time in her life, she was grateful that she shared so much with vampires. If they could get out, she knew she could too.

This moment only made losing Heaven that much harder. One minute, her soul is happy and in peace, and the next she's digging herself out of the earth. She likes to think that if she hadn't woken up there, her disdain for being back wouldn't have been so great. But this thought doesn't help in the slightest, so she always forces it out of her mind.

Having gone through what most people only do as a nightmare, make her reconsider burial for her next death. The next, and last time, she knows cremation is the way to go. Adding one more thing to her extensive 'How Buffy is like Vampires' list.

8.

_Your shirt..._

There were many reasons Tara's death pained her so much. For one, she truly had considered Tara as one of her own. One of the scoobies, family. She was perhaps, the most compassionate soul Buffy had ever met. Honest and with a great big caring heart. Buffy knew she's need lots of hands to count all the things Tara had done for her, and everyone around her. She had risked her life for Dawn. Been there for her in a way no one else had when Joyce died. Didn't judge her after the whole Spike fiasco. She had a close bond with Dawn that Buffy had been utterly grateful for, especially during the days after coming back from heaven. To name a few.

Then there was her relationship with Willow. Everytime Buffy saw them, she could see the love emanating from them, the connection they had was so strong. She couldn't help but admire the way Tara loved her best friend. And Willow just glowed. Seeing her best friend blissfully in love, it made her hopeful that someday she'd find a love like that, a love that didn't seem to be doomed.

But, life can be cruel at the best times, and she was gone. Sometimes, Buffy had blamed herself. If only she had reacted faster when Warren had shown up. Caught him before then. Or had seen the anger in him, perhaps if she had accepted him as a real threat, things could have gone differently. But the what ifs will kill you, so she tried hard not to think that way anymore.

Willow. Even now, she couldn't blame Willow for how she had reacted. She had just gotten Tara back, only to have her die shortly after. She knows she would have reacted the same way, and she can't help but feel that Warren got what was coming to him. But Willow didn't deserve his death on her hands, and the unfairness of it all, left a bad taste in Buffy's mouth.

She still doesn't understand why it happened, but sometime's there is no answer. She only knows that life and death happen, to all of us.

9.

_Why you're the one who sees everything aren't you? Well let's see what we can do about that._

Being the slayer had never been easy. In fact, sometimes it was more than she could handle. But she did it, because she had to. Really, she had no choice in the matter. She was the slayer, and in the end, it was always up to her. No one would ever understand the burden she held on her shoulders everyday. Not even Faith. She knew she made mistakes, in her line of work, it was hard not to. Life was not a fairytale, that she found out the hard way, and good doesn't always defeat evil. But she did the best she could.

So, when Caleb had killed a few potentials she hadn't even really known, it was hard. Having almost lost Xander, was awful. But there are always casualties in war, she had accepted that. Granted, it hadn't been one of her better moments as the slayer. Perhaps she had been rash, underestimated her enemy. And she'd always carry those lives on her shoulders, but she understood the truth of it all. She was the leader, and sometimes things go horribly wrong, you don't always make the right decisions, but you make them. And as much as you hope you'll win without loss, you have to accept that you won't. Life wasn't easy, and it sure as hell wasn't fair.

Still, she hoped it had all gone terribly different. But, all the loss served a purpose in the end. It sounded cruel, but it was the truth of the matter. If she hadn't risked something, she wouldn't have gained anything. If they had never gone, the potentials would still be alive, and Xander would still have an eye, but she wouldn't have figured out what a danger Caleb truly was, and she might have never come to the conclusion that he was protecting something, and it turn, she may have never found the scythe. The thing that had saved them all in the end.

But, as much as it hurt, and as guilty as she felt, she couldn't bring herself to regret it.

10.

_I know I'm right about this. I just need a little... I can't stay here and watch her lead you into some disaster._

_Then you can't stay here. Buffy, I love you, but you were right. We have to be together on this. You can't be a part of it. So I need you to leave. I'm sorry, but this is my house, too._

She hadn't seen this one coming. Never in a million years. And she'd be lying if she said she wasn't still bitter about it. After everything she had done for all of them, everything she had given up for them and the world, they had thrown her out the door like she was nobody. It striked her as ironic, because in the 7 years prior to that moment, they always turned to her. They had even gone as far as ripping her from Heaven. Yet they had treated her like she couldn't be trusted, like she didn't know what she was doing. True, she had made a horrible decision, but it's not like she could have known the outcome of that decision. They were in the middle of a war, and none of them could see it.

What hurt the most, was how quickly her family had turned on her. The potentials, she understood. Hell, even Faith. But Giles, Dawn, Willow and Xander? Giles, who had asked her to give up her sister for the world. Dawn, whom's life she had given her own for. Willow, who on her own account had made some awful decisions herself, that no one blamed her for. And Xander, well, him she understood. He had lost an eye because of her, so it didn't exactly win her brownie points. But still, after the speech he had given a few days ago, she hadn't expected it.

And Anya. What she had said, was beyond unfair. Did she actually think being the slayer was easy? A gift? Lucky? Those are three words she had never used to describe it. In fact, she couldn't remember a time when it wasn't the exact opposite. All she had ever wanted was a normal life, and with time she had accepted that she'd never get that. She had sacrificed everything she had ever wanted; Angel (twice), normality, love, a real future, Heaven, her own damn life (also twice); for the good of mankind. And yet, somehow, it wasn't enough.

This isn't to say she expected gratitude from any of them, just understanding. But then it hit her, they'd never know what it was truly like to be her, to be a slayer. So, she found that with time, she could excuse this betrayal. Because that is what it had been, a slap in the face. The trust she had in them, had been broken, and nothing would make it the same ever again. But they didn't know, would never know, and she could forgive that.

Doesn't mean she doesn't still wish it hadn't happened.

The pain of these moments are like a power outage in her soul. But the joy of her best moments, are like the sun. Warming, and constant.

* * *

A/N Part Deux: Italics were quotes from the show, in case you didn't catch that. And yes, I know she wasn't there for the "your shirt" line, but it's still very fitting for that loss. This was so sad to write, especially Joyce's death. Hopefully I managed to get into Buffy's head acurately enough.

But the happy will come soon, and i'm excited about that! B/A coming up, stay tuned!


	2. The Good

Disclaimer: Characters and situations belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

A/N: So this was originally going to be a two-parter.. now it looks like its becoming three. I divided the best moments into two parts. This first half here, are during her days on the Hellmouth. So, expect spoilers of the whole series. Some moments include dialogue from the show, and others are made up.

The B/A is coming soon!

**_

* * *

__Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember._**

**_~Oscar Levant_**

1.

_Can I have you? ...... uhhh. can I help you?_

_Thanks._

_I don't know you, do I?_

_I'm Buffy. I'm new._

_Xander... is.. is me. Hi._

_*_

_Hello? Is anybody here? .... oh, anybody's here!.... I was looking for some, well, books. I'm new._

_Miss Summers?_

_Good call! Guess i'm the only new kid, huh?_

_I'm Mr. Giles. The librarian. I was told you were coming._

_*_

_Uh, Hi! Willow right?_

_Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?_

_Why don't we start with "Hi, I'm Buffy", and uh, then let's segue directly into me asking you for a favor. It doesn't involve moving but it does involve hanging out with me for a while._

_*_

_Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am? _

_Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?_

_I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite._

Her tenure on the Hellmouth had never been easy. She could easily say it had been the hardest 7 years of her life. Though she'll also admit that, her first year there, compared to the rest of them, had been the easiest of them all. Easy was perhaps the wrong term to use to describe her time in Sunnydale, manageable might have been a little better. So, year one on the Hellmouth, had had it's moments. Meaning, Buffy could still remember that year as being relatively carefree, innocent. Simple. Well, as simple as the life of a slayer can be anyways. The simplicity had been brief, but sweet. Because those moments had included four specific people: Xander and Willow, her two best friends in the world; Giles, the man she'd truly considered as her father; and Angel, her vampire with a soul, whom oddly enough, Buffy being a slayer after all, had managed to steal her heart.

Buffy knows, that had it not been for them, she might not have lasted as long as she had. Because of them she hadn't been alone in her duty. She hadn't been JUST the slayer, she became a friend, confidant, apprentice, daughter, companion, lover, the list was endless. She had experienced life in all its glory, pain and suffering; a given. But also the happiness and fulfillment that only a life filled with love could give.

So, meeting them that fateful day, had changed her life forever.

2.

_"That looks like an ugly dog... I kinda like him." Dawn commented as she pointed at the hyena standing under a tree in the distance._

_"I'd hardly call it a dog. More like ferocious beast..." Buffy gave an involuntary shiver on remembering when Xander got possessed by one. Which in turn, gave her another idea. "Did you know that hyenas prey on the weak? So, you're like, part of their diet."_

_"Buffy." Joyce spoke in that "do not continue" tone of voice that only moms have._

_"Ok, ok." Buffy pouted, then under her breath added, "I was just having a little fun." Joyce continued on walking, missing the moment when Dawn stuck her tongue out at Buffy. Expected, though. This was Dawn after all. "How could you like him? He's... clearly nothing to like there." Dawn was so strange, always liking the opposite of what everyone around her did. After the 'Xander becomes a hyena' episode, as she liked to call it, they'd always given her the wiggins. Which was probably why Dawn liked them. _

_"It's because of that, that I like him. Nobody appreciates hyenas, everybody hates them, so I have to like them. Balance out the scale some."_

_"You're so weird." Shaking her head, Buffy continued on down the path. This time, the obligatory calling of her name by Joyce hadn't happened, as she had missed Buffy's last comment. She had walked on ahead, knowing how her daughters could be, and had decided to stay out of it._

_"Am not!.. besides, isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black? You being the pot, and me the much cuter kettle."_

_"Kettles aren't cute." Buffy turned back towards her little sister as she spoke, who was walking slightly behind her. A look of disbelief on her face. Was she really discussing the cuteness of inanimate objects?_

_"They're way cuter than pots, thats for sure." Dawn smiled to herself, proud of her ability to come up with clever remarks to her big sisters teasing._

_"Ok, this is by far the silliest argument you two have had all day." The girls hadn't noticed Joyce, who had paused ahead of them, with her hands perched at her sides and a slight smile plastered on her face. They both smiled at her at the same time, "We're just having some fun" Buffy reiterated, while the littlest Summers quipped, "Don't worry Mom, i've got her beat."_

_Buffy raised her eyebrow at Dawn quizzically, "You SO do not. I'm the queen of punning remember? Besides, Mom interrupted my witty retort. I was coming back at you with... with... well, it's slipped my mind at the moment due to unscheduled interruptions, but it was good. A stumper, even."_

_"... suuuuuuuure it was." Dawn tapped her sister's shoulder in mock sincerity. She loved it when she could banter with Buffy, in good fun. It wasn't often that she could outclever Buffy, so she was enjoying this moment._

_Joyce smiled at her daughters, and wrapped one arm around each of them as they reached her, "How about it we call it even, and I treat you both to some icecream?"  
_

_"YEEEEAAAH!" Both sisters squealed at the same time._

It had been a simple outing at the zoo, just the Summer's girls: Joyce, Dawn, and Buffy. Yet, it had been one of her best days. Her and Dawn had gotten along so well that day, just simple teasing with all the sibling rivalry seemingly forgotten. Meaningless banter between two sisters. A day filled with hugs and smiles from her mother. Just a mom and daughters day. Buffy had loved it. In her complicated life, Buffy treasured these quiet, normal moments. When she was just a daughter and sister, having a fun day at the zoo.

This moment was all the sweeter after her mother had died. Buffy felt lucky to have had it. She remembered this day, because it had truly been a family kodak moment. Excluding the father figure, but that hadn't detracted from it at all. Nope, Joyce was all they had needed. As a single parent, she had been mom AND dad, and she was great at it. Sure, they had their altercations, all three of them, but what family didn't?

So, when Joyce was gone, and Buffy was having a hard day, either because of life itself, or taking care of pubescent Dawn (which was always hard), she'd think of this day, and she could almost feel the warmth of Joyce's embrace, see the love in her eyes, and she felt solaced by it. She could look back and remember how well her and Dawn had gotten along, and it made the more difficult Dawn days, easier to bear.

Buffy would always treasure this seemingly ordinary day, because the feelings it brought, were anything but.

3.

_"Whew! I'm glad we're taking a break from shaking what our momma's gave us. I am soo parched." Xander plopped down at the table, and quickly grabbed his beverage and took a long sip. "Aaaaaaahhhh....Lemonade, that cool refreshing drink!" He sang in an Elvis toned voice. _

_Buffy and Willow both raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him. As neither of them had a clue what he was talking about._

_"Hellooooo... Eddie Murphy, Delirious?" He jestured to them, clearly thinking they'd get it. Then dissapointment crossed his face as he realized they had no clue. "Only, like one of the best stand up comedy shows, like EVER. Where have you two been, living under a rock?"_

_"Nope, a Hellmouth. Well, over technically. But it keeps me pretty occupied most days." Buffy said, nonchalantly. Also sipping from her can of coke._

_"Fine... i'll let it slide this time.... what about you Willow?... wait, I can see that it's probably really not your thing. Too obscene for my Willow. And no doubt, the Rosenberg 'rents have some reservations about it. " Xander wrapped an arm around Willow and gently squeezed her._

_"Hey, I resent that! I'm into the swearing and crude jokes.... I can be bad, break the rules! " This time, Buffy and Xander gave Willow a doubtful look. "Ok.. fine. I don't, but I could!"_

_"We know, Willow, we know." Xander smiled condescendingly, "You're one tough cookie... but truly, gals, you are missing out on some serious funny." Willow smiled at him, he seemed to have missed the oxymoron that left his lips._

_"Oh, perhaps, but we have you. Enough funny there to last us a life time." Buffy winked at her other friend, ribbing Xander a little on Willow's behalf._

_"I don't know if I should thank you, or be offended. And by that little exchange, I think it's the latter." He motioned to the them both, catching the exchange between the girls. He stood up, "Fine, fine. Pick on Xander.. I'm just trying to enrich your lives.. but suit yourselves." With that, he turned to walk away._

_"Xander!" Both girls ran after him, and wrapped their arms around him. He smiled triumphantly. Proud to have elicited the reaction he had hoped for._

_"I saw that." Willow poked him in the ribs, and Xander jerked. "I know the way your sick mind works. You're just lucky we both like hugging you."_

Another simple life moment. Hanging out at the Bronze, or anywhere really, with her two bestest friends, were more moments Buffy loved. Her relationship with them was, almost undescribable. She had the best kind of friendship with them. It was genuine, honest. They knew who she really was, and stood by her. Even saved her neck a few times. They could talk about anything with each other, and sometimes they'd disagree, or fight, but they always worked through it. That's how she knew it would last forever. Granted, she'd had her doubts, but she realized that she'd never give up on them, and they wouldn't either.

They were more than just her friends, they were family. Her backbone, one of the few constants in her life. And Buffy didn't want to picture her life without them, and she was glad she never had to.

4.

_Buffy walked down the steps of her basement, and Spike stood to face her._

_"Room still occupied, then?" He said to try and lighten the mood. For a reason he couldn't explain, he sensed some finality in this moment. Perhaps it was the impending doom of the next day, which he also sensed would be his last. And he was fine with that, he realized._

_"You know that's not why i'm here" Buffy began, not catching onto his tone._

_"I'm just teasing, love. But even if that were the case, you know I wouldn't mind."_

_Buffy dropped her head, a slight blush covering her cheeks. She took a few tentative steps towards him. "Let's not, ok? It might possibly be my last night, and yours too I might add, so I could do without the banter portion of our conversations. If I die tomorrow..." Spike opened his mouth to interrupt, but at a look from her, he closed it again. ".. it's a possibility, let's face it. So if I do, I'd like tonight to be, what it should be."_

_He raised his eyebrow, skeptically. "And that would be what?"_

_"Uncomplicated. I know, we're definitely not that, but this moment should be. Just you and me. Apocalypse momentarily forgotten. Just now." Spike closed the space between them, and gently reached out and cupped her face._

_"I'd really like that." He stated simply looking into the moss green of her eyes and fully trying to obey her wishes. He dropped his hand from her face, and grabbed her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers._

_She gave him a simple smile, and gripped his hand firmly in hers. "Good."_

She loved him. Not in the way he had wanted, but she did. Their relationship was one of the most honest ones she'd ever had. He understood her, in a way no one ever had. At first, it had been wrong. She couldn't deny that, but she had come to terms with it. It would always be a part of their tormented past. She wouldn't ever take it back though, because she knows that if they hadn't had it, he wouldn't have grown into the man he had been that night.

And how he'd grown. At first, he was a monster, undeniably. Then, an animal on a leash. After that, a lovesick villian on a leash, but finally, he was a man. True, she had seen it in him, before the soul, but with it, he was truly something to behold. But she couln't fall IN love with him. There had been too much affliction, and nothing would change that. Some bridges just couldn't be crossed. She'd never say he didn't deserve her love, because he did and more. Part of her knows she'd have been lucky to love him in that way, and that part of her had even tried to. But you can't choose who you love, a fact she was painstakingly aware of.

But this night, she had forgotten all that. All their woes and issues had been put aside, and they had just savoured the night. She wasn't capable of a physical relationship with him, not anymore, but she could lie in his arms, and feel like she belonged there.

So, Spike owned a piece of her, and she couldn't deny it. She was even glad of it.

5.

_"The First is scrunched, so... what do you think we should do, Buffy?" Willow turned to her best friend in honest curiosity._

_"Yeah, you're not the one and only chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel?" Faith chose to voice the thought that had been running through her own mind. She had hardly been the chosen, well, the chosen BAD one, but she knew that for Buffy, this was a chance. At the normal life she knew her slayer sister had always wanted._

_"Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?" Dawn quipped in, finally sensing that she too was part of the 'we', no longer the kid of the Scooby gang, and she enjoyed that feeling._

_A smile planted itself on Buffy's face, as the implications of Faith's words settled in. Here was her chance at normal, would she take it? _

_"I don't know." She finally responded, to both of them and herself too.. "And for once, it's kinda nice." She walked over to the sign, that had fallen inside the giant crater that was once Sunnydale, her responsibility over it, finally over. She grabbed it, and pulled it apart from the metal pole it was attached to. As glad as she was, that it was finally over, she didn't want to forget it all. Technically, it would be all she had left. She turned back to the others._

_"First things first. Let's get out of this heat."_

_They all eyed the big 'Welcome To Sunnydale' sign she carried in her arms. She shrugged, "Keepsake."_

_"Sort of like, I closed the hellmouth, saved countless lives, and all I got was this lousy sign?" Xander commented in his classic style as they all headed back to the school bus. Buffy gave him a smile she couldn't help. _

_"Precisely."  
_

The weight of the Hellmouth had been lifted off her shoulders. They had faced incredible odds, lost more than their share of great people, but had ultimately been victorious. For the first time in her life, she finally felt free. She knew she had responsibilties still, she'd always be a slayer, but she wasn't the only one anymore. Sure, there was an arduous future ahead of her, but she had one. A future. She had survived the mouth of Hell. And she knew then, that someday, she could hang up her stake, figuratively speaking, and live a life free from demons and vampires, if she had wanted to. Even at that moment, she saw the possibilities of it already. If she wanted to, she could see the world that had been denied to her for so long. She had choices, options. Something she had never really had before. Of course, that would take time no doubt, organizing an army of slayers would be hard work, but it would be nothing compared to what she had lived through for seven years.

And then, there was her self discovery. Or her baking, as she had put it that other day. She felt like she could finally do that. She knew who she was, when it came to her slayerness, but everyday Buffy, who was she? She relished in the ability to finally be able to find out. And she would. Of that, she was confident.

***

"Buffy!"

She snapped her head foreward at the sound of Dawn's irritated voice. "We're here! Jeez.... stay in the now, would you?" Dawn shook her head at Buffy and stepped down off the bus. Sometimes, Buffy had the feeling that Dawn could read her mind. She knew Dawn didn't have a clue how appropriate her comment was, as Buffy really had been reminiscing the past. They had bordered the bus, and as she stared out the window at the empty desert surrounding her, she got lost in her memories. She felt the need to recall some specific moments of her past, some bad, the worst really, and the few good ones she had. It was probably because she was just beginning a new chapter of her life, and she wanted to summerize her life so far, so to speak, and finally put the past behind her. Not forget it, no. That was impossible. Just acknowledge the immensity of it, or something along those lines.

She got off the bus, and saw the shabby Motel the rest of the gang where about to walk into. This might be something she'd like to pretend never happened.

* * *

K, I know i've said I wouldn't do a B/S pairing, but I couldn't deny the importance of that night, and Buffy's relationship with Spike. But, it wasn't really a pairing, if you consider what I said. And, I love Spike, I really do. His devotion to her, and her belief in him is so achingly sweet, I felt compelled to write about it. And I may do so again.

Oh, and I absolutely concur with Xander about Delirious. Some serious funny there. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you watch it.. unless you have an aversion to swear words, and gritty situations. Or are too young for it.

A/N PART II: So, the next half of her list will have a slightly different style. Including the last blurb, which is kind of explanatory. But, i'll reiterate anyways. So far, everything has been her remembering then commenting on what she thought of it and how she had felt. The last 5, will just be the moments, no reflections after, like real time. They're happening as they are being told. And they'll be potentially longer as well. I'm feeling very inspired it seems!

Hope you're enjoying, and please review!

Thanks everyone who is reading!


	3. The Beautiful

Disclaimer: No copyright intended, Characters belong to the fantastical Joss Whedon.

Summary: Part 3 of 3, Buffy's last 5 happy moments.

A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry it took so long to post this, but life has been hectic for me as of late. Not to mention the spouts of writer's block I had. At moments I had a hard time deciding which way to go with this... anywho... here it is! Also, I want to thank everyone for the lovely comments, the "favouriting" of my stories, and all that jazz, you guys are the best! It made my day, you have no idea. I'm not sure how to proceed with the reviews, as I'm new to the writing aspect of fanfics, so if there is anything I need to do, please let me know, it'd be much appreciated! And yes, I was going with the good, the bad and the ugly, only I changed it to beautiful instead. hahahaha.. it just came to me. So this last piece, is much longer, and as I mentioned before, the format has changed. I just thought it'd be redundant to explain why these moments are special to Buffy, as they speak for themselves (as you'll soon see). Also, when I started writing this, I hadn't watched season 5 of Angel, so some things are kind of off. Sorry! The poem in moment #8, is being read by B/A together, with Buffy saying what's in bold, and Angel the non-bold.

So with no further ado, here is my ending... enjoy!

* * *

"_**Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." **_

_**~Unknown**_

6.

Buffy awoke with a strange sense of foreboding in the pit of her stomach. It had something to do with her dream, but as sometimes happens, the dream slipped from her consciousness the minute she woke up. She decided to let it slide, sure that if something were about to happen, she probably couldn't change it anyways. She tossed the sheets aside, stood up and stretched, hoping it would shake the feeling out of her. She was suddenly becoming aware that the feeling wasn't bad, neccesarily. In fact, she had a good feeling about today.

Which, for her, wasn't a common thing. Sure, as of late, life had been much better. It had been 3 years since she had unintentionally sank Sunnydale, but they'd been insanely hectic years. What with the worldwide search of new slayers, the starting of a series of "Slayer schools" around the world, which in itself, had been a hard thing to accomplish. Considering that starting schools required funding, and seeing how they couldn't divulge what they were REALLY doing, starting up hadn't been easy. Only thanks to Giles, and his many contacts, including those from the Watcher's council that hadn't been decimated, had they been successful. Then there was the separation of her loved ones. Due to necessity, they had all separated about a year after SunnyHell had closed for business. Giles along with Dawn, was obviously in England. Running the main school, and reforming the Watcher's council. Xander was all the way in South Africa with Renee, another slayer that had stolen his heart. Willow and Oz, whom had met again and were slowly, and Buffy was witness to this, rekindling their romance in Italy. And last but not least, Faith and Robin, and her for awhile, had been touring the world, locating slayers. She missed them all, most notably Dawn, but she had managed to sneak in some visits here and there, seeing as how she wasn't THAT far off. There had been other schools in other places of the world, run by other slayers as well.

Buffy liked it in Rome. It was a beautiful place, full of history and she just loved strolling those streets at night. She didn't have to patrol anymore, but she enjoyed it now. Even the graveyards were amazing there. For a brief period, she lived at the school with Willow, and for awhile they had even shared a room, like their college days. But then Oz came along, and slowly, and yes it had been painfully slow, the need for separate rooms had arised. She had ended up finding her own apartment instead, close by, and it was nice having her own space away from the hormone induced girls. When she wasn't training the slayers, or patrolling, she spent some of her free time with Willow and Oz, until she began feeling like the third wheel; the rest of her time, she spent alone. And she didn't mind, not in Italy anyways. The city kept her company, as odd as that sounded. She could spend a free afternoon on a cafe patio with a glass of wine and a good book, yes she read for fun now, and she wouldn't consider the day a waste. It didn't happen often anyways, running a school and patrolling at night were as time consuming as they sounded.

She looked out the window of her bedroom, and smiled. It really was going to be a good day, she realized. A day to herself, just her and her city. She grabbed her necessities and headed to the bathroom. She turned the water on, and closed the door behind her, missing the shrill ring of her phone.

***

"You've just missed me, Buffy. I don't do the phone screening thing, so leave a message after the tone and I promise to get back to you as soon as I can!"

~BEEP~

"Buffy, are you ever gonna get around to changing this message? Anywho... It's Willow. CALL ME. And before you start panicking, this isn't an apocalypse call. Well, we haven't had one of those in awhile so you might not be worrying after all.." Noticing Oz's smirk, Willow realized she was rambling to the answer machine, ".. just call me, like pronto, ok?" She put the phone down, and gave a hesitant smile to the two other men in the room. "No answer.. she's probably in the shower or something. She'll call back." She paused. "Don't you think you should just go to her? I mean, she doesn't live very far away."

"I don't want to just pop out and surprise her." He had been pacing the room, unsure of what he was feeling. Nerves?

"Honestly Angel, I don't think there's a way to avoid that." Willow couldn't help but voice the truth. Even if she were the one to break the news to Buffy, it'd still be a surprise. She might even be kind of upset by it. Aside from Xander, Bufy would be the last one to know, seeing as how Angel had already been everywhere searching for her. He had started in Cleveland, only finding Andrew, who hadn't been very forthcoming. Then he had gone to South Africa, seen Xander, but hadn't had the guts to approach him and ask, so he did the skulking thing. When he realized she wasn't there, he met up with Faith and Robin, quite coincidentally, in Egypt. As luck would have it, the last they had heard she was in England with Giles. Apparently the sister slayers still didn't keep in touch, which really, wasn't surprising. He had gone there, only to be dissapointed that she wasn't there either, but relieved because Dawn had been kind enough to tell him where she was. And so, he had finally made it.

When he didn't answer her, she continued, "Do you want to sit down?" His pacing was starting to make her queasy. Oz, apparently was not bothered by this current state of affairs. He remained as stoic as ever. Sitting in his favourite chair, playing his guitar, and occasionally flashing a smile at Willow.

Angel hadn't noticed Willow's tone of voice, so he continued pacing, throwing the occasional glance out the window. "No, i'm ok.. I can't, really. It feels like..." Not being familiar with the way his body was reacting, he couldn't find the appropriate words to describe what he was feeling.

"There's butterflies in your stomach?" she finished for him. These words managed to stop him in his tracks, and he turned to face Willow. "So this is what you guys mean when you say that? It's pretty accurate for being so... well... impossible." She gave him a sympathetic smile. Human Angel, was beyond strange, and oddly, the same.

"Ya, sometimes that happens. Except for the 'two birds with one stone' expression, that one I don't get either... really Angel, I know you're nervous, but the pacing won't help, and you're kinda making me dizzy." She had to say it, because as soon as he had finished talking, he had started it up again. And she knew he wouldn't stop unless a) Buffy showed up, and/or b) she said something about it.

"Sorry." He sat down in the large couch opposite Oz, and started drumming his fingers on the arm rest. He had to ask the one question crossing his mind since he had shanshued. "So, Willow... is Buffy... seeing anyone?"

"Ahhhh.. the root of the issue comes out... explains the nerves and the reason why you're waiting for her here instead of going to her. I knew it couldn't just be the seeing her part."

***

Buffy stepped out of her bathroom, and headed towards her dresser. She turned on the radio, and bopped around while she was getting ready. She passed her phone, plenty of times in that span, but hadn't bothered to check it. She checked herself in the mirror one last time, and satisfied with what she saw, she grabbed her purse, book and keys and headed out the door.

She wandered down the streets, with no specific destination in mind, as usual.

***

Hours later, Buffy pulled out her keys, and opened the front door. She put them down on the table beside the entrance, and walked inside, locking the door behind her. She set down the rest of her things on the couch and it was then that she noticed the flashing light of her answering machine. 6 messages. Odd. At most, she'd have 3 messages in a day, maybe 4, if everyone she cared about decided to call and leave a message on the same day. She pushed down on the playback button. And wandered into the kitchen to prepare her Linner.

"You have 6 new messages." She heard the automated voice say to her. ~BEEP~

"Buffy, are you ever gonna get around to changing this message? Anywho... It's Willow. CALL ME. And before you start panicking, this isn't an apocalypse call. Well, we haven't had one of those in awhile so you might not be worrying after all... just call me, like pronto, ok?"~BEEP~

A smile crossed Buffy's face. Willow, always with the rambling. She had already pulled the chilli out of the fridge, and was placing some into a bowl.

"Buffy, it's Willow again. Been waiting for you to call me, please do it when you get this, ok?" ~BEEP~

Buffy noticed a slight panic in her voice. She put her food in the microwave and set the time. She'd call her friend as soon as she was done listening to the messages.

"Buffy! .. I have to tell you something... its' ur.." there was some rattling as though someone was covering the phone and she could slightly hear some mumbling "ok, it's not urgent.. but it is important.. call me!" ~BEEP~

Ok, three messages from Willow was starting to freak her out. But, it couldn't be serious or else she'd say so.

"Buffy! Can you really be out parading around town THIS long? If you're avoiding me, I'm going to seriously hurt you some. I'm getting queazy over here. Apparently the pacing isn't gonna end until you get here, or you call me back!" ~BEEP~

She really was going to call Willow after this, the girl sounded crazy.

"Ok.. i'm done having a conversation with your answering machine. I'm just gonna say it.. Buffy.. An.." ~BEEP~

That last message sounded like it had cut off. And that was never a good sign.

"Buffy, i'm ok. Don't panic. SOMEONE is just driving me crazy!" Again it sounded like Willow was talking to someone else, but this time she hadn't covered the phone properly, "I'm not gonna say anything relax... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call me when you get this, ok?" ~BEEP~

"End of new messages." ~BEEP~

She walked over to her phone, meal temporarily forgotten. What on earth was going on with Willow? She picked it up and dialed the familiar number.

"FINALLY!" She heard Willow's voice on the other end say, clearly annoyed. "WHERE have you been all day?" Without allowing Buffy to answer, she continued, "Of course you call NOW, when the urgency is gone, because Mr. Pace-A-Lot finally got tired of waiting. And as punishment, for both of you, i'm not telling you a thing."

"Well, hello to you too. Yes, I was out 'parading' around town, I am a grown up after all, and can do whatever I want with my free time." She stated, clearly offended by Willow's tone of voice. Then the rest of the message caught up to her, "Wait.. who got tired of waiting? And after all those messages and I finally call you, you're not gonna tell me anything? What kind of sense does that make? Because it doesn't. And why am I getting punished? I don't even know what's going on!"

"Yeah, well.. if you had been in my shoes all day, you'd understand why. But i'm really not telling you, but not to punish you.. I realize now that I'm being unfair. You're right, you're free to roam as you please. Its just... with the day I had... well.. he's getting off lightly as far as I'm concerned."

Buffy felt as confused as ever. "Willow, you've completely lost me....he who?" At that moment a knock sounded on her front door. " Wait.. someone is at the door."

"HA! You'll see." Willow exclaimed on the other end. How perfect had the timing been? "That's him now... ok, bye Buffy." Willow hung up without waiting for her to respond. Buffy put the phone down, wary of the front door. Who could it be? Obviously not someone dangerous, because no matter how crazy Willow was acting, she'd say if that was the case. She then walked over to the front door, and a chill ran down her spine, one she hadn't felt in years, and wasn't even sure was possible. For one, it was daylight out still. And two, if it was Mr. Pace-A-Lot, as Willow had referred to the stranger, that was unlike him as anything could be. She opened the door, with no expectations.

"This isn't how I had hoped it would go. Maybe you should get a cellphone or something." Angel couldn't help rush the words out of his mouth.

"So, you're the one driving Willow crazy... why am I not surprised?" She chose to ignore his comment. And instead focused on her own, because she really wasn't. She always knew she'd see him again, someday. She was hanging onto the door, and moved slightly towards it, with an invite on the tip of her tongue, when he waltzed inside her apartment.

"..ok.. now I am." She closed the door behind him, and turned to face him. Angel was inside her home, and she hadn't even invited him in yet. Surprised, was an understatement.

Apparently, he chose to ignore hers as well. "I'm human."

He had been waiting for over 4 hours, scratch that, more like 3 weeks, to tell Buffy that, and no longer had the patience for the gradual approach. "And I really didn't want to just plant this on you, but apparently as a human, i'm not very patient. Makes sense really, if you think about it. As a vampire, time feels rather.. long. As a human, time flies. And I didn't want to waste anymore of it by explaining. I mean, I was prepared to, but after 4 hours of being this close to you, and just waiting, well, I couldn't anymore. So here I am, barging back into your life, and I know it's presumptious of me, but Willow told me you weren't seeing anyone that she knew of..."

Angel was rambling. Of the million things she never thought she'd see, that would be high up there on the list. Well, that, and Angel becoming human.

"Angel, Angel. Slow down... I've barely processed the 'i'm human' part. One step at a time." She suddenly understood where Willow had been coming from. Four hours of this had to be overwhelming. And Buffy realized she was jealous.. of Willow. She had already enjoyed 4 hours more of human Angel than she herself had. And as quickly as she had understood Willow, she understood Angel. She walked over to him, and when she was within range, she placed her hand over his heart, and felt the warmth there, and it's subtle beating. She raised her head to face him, with a huge grin on her face. "Angel.. you're human."

He smiled in response to hers, "Ya, I know. Where have you been?" For a moment, neither continued speaking. For her part, she was still enjoying the simple pleasure of feeling his heart beat, and for his, he was enjoying the simple pleasure of Buffy touching him. But, again his patience was running out, so he continued, "so, you aren't right?"

"Of course I am. What kind of question is that?"

He deflated, and Buffy thought she felt a change in the tempo of his beating heart. "I'm too late then." He mumbled mostly to himself. He began moving away from her, but she was having none of that, so she grabbed his arm with her other hand to stop him.

"Angel, what on earth are you talking about? You're too late for what?"

"To be with you. Don't worry, I understand." He reached out and gently ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. Something, he couldn't leave without doing.

Even though his touch was enough to silence her , she suddenly began laughing. "Oooooh! No wonder that question hadn't made sense. I was wondering why you'd ask me that." She managed to say during her bout of laughter. When she realized he still didn't have a clue what was going on, she laughed harder.

"Ok.. i'm trying real hard not to have my feelings hurt here.. but the hysterical laughing isn't helping."

"I told you, one step at a time. I'm still on the human part. So when you asked me that, I thought you meant something else." She paused, "No, Angel. I'm not seeing anyone... but even if I were, do you really think it would matter? I wouldn't give up a life with you, for no one. So, thank you for being presump.." He interrupted her by wrapping the arm she wasn't holding onto, around her waist and covered her lips with his own. Nope, patience was no longer one of his assets.

Only when he was forced to grab a breath of air, did he let their lips part. He suddenly realized that the butterflies he had felt all day, had dissapeared, not a trace to be found. He didn't linger on the thought though. He had just kissed Buffy and was still in her arms, and he was sure that had something to do with it. He looked at her still closed eyes, and lazy smile, and began placing soft kisses upon her face, starting at her forehead, then temple, each eye, both cheeks, her lips a few more times, then the side of her chin and finally in the crook of her neck. He took a deep breath, and held her tighter.

"Finally." Angel had mumbled, and Buffy felt the warmth of his breath on her skin. Kissing Angel had always done something to her ability to form cohesive thoughts, but this was something else entirely. Maybe it was the wine she had had earlier, the heat of his skin against hers, or the rhythmic pulse of his heart, maybe even all these things combined, so all she managed was a nod. He placed a last kiss on her collarbone, and moved away enough to gaze into her now open eyes.

"Buffy. I want you..." a thrill of desire ran through her body at these words, and she couldn't contain herself. "God Angel, so do I."

"I wasn't finished." He gave her a saucy smile, and she felt her face flush. "Sorry... finish."

"I want you... to know that I don't plan on leaving you ever again. Obviously, I can't stop the inevitable, but as for my own personal choices, you're stuck with me. I know I don't deserve you, but i'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to. I want this," he motioned to the two of them, "forever." He added as an afterthought.

" I would have been ok with you stopping where I interrupted you. The rest of it was unnecessary, I wouldn't let you leave anyways. So... let's go back to those first words..." she ran her arms up his back, and pulled his face down to hers, "kiss me already, would you?"

*

7.

"You look so beautiful." She sniffled as she looked at her sister in the mirror.

"Buffy.. are you crying?... It's because i'm beating you to the alter, isn't it?" Dawn turned to face her big sister, hands on her hips, in a pose so reminiscent of Joyce it forced Buffy to suck in a breath.

"Of course not! How could you think such a thing?" Buffy reached out and gently placed her hand on the side of Dawn's face. "Dawn, I'm so happy for you. I just wish..." She almost didn't want to say it, but she knew Dawn would be thinking it too. ".. mom was here to see it. See you, she.. should be here for this."

A sad smile crossed Dawn's face, " I wish she were here too.. and in a way, she is... but let's not go down sad alley, ok? She wouldn't want that."

"I know, you're right. I'm sorry.. I shouldn't be such a downer on your big day.... Dawnie! You're getting married!" Buffy held both of Dawn's hands in her own, and stretched their arms out as if to get a good look at her. "At 21, no less. At your age, I was.. hmm... moving on." She decided that Buffy at age 21 wasn't another alley she wanted to go down either.

Dawn seemed to sense this too, "Yes, 21. And before you ask again, yes, i'm ready for this." She let go of her sister's hand, and turned back to the mirror to make sure everything was still in order. "I've been ready.. for a long time."

Dawn had met Ryan, about 6 months after moving to England with Giles. She had ended up with Giles, because after the plans had been decided on, Buffy wanted to be a part of the slayer search. And as much as Dawn wanted to tag along, she knew it wasn't really possible. She had just turned 17, she still had to finish highschool, and a world expedition would probably get in the way of that. So before Buffy had the chance to change her mind, Dawn had asked Giles if she could stay with him. She'd go to school, and help him out as much as possible. At first, Buffy felt bad, and had decided to skip the world tour. Dawn refused to let her do that, this was an opportunity Buffy deserved. "I'll be fine Buffy. It's Giles, for crying out loud!" she had told her. So, Buffy went.

It wasn't all bad either. Dawn really did like England after all, and being around Giles was, well, parental. And she found that she had really enjoyed that part. So, she met Ryan purely by chance during a visit she had reluctantly made with Giles to see one of his Watcher colleagues. Ryan had also, but enthusiastically, gone to the meeting his father had with Giles. They had hit it off right away, first as friends, and gradually it became more. She might be young, but Dawn knew she'd never want anyone else.

"I know, I know. You've baked way faster than I did." Buffy reluctantly sat down on the chair to the right of where Dawn was standing.

"You just can't let go of the cookie thing, can you? Angel must hate that... ok, so admit it. How jealous are you on a scale of 1 to 10?" Satisfied that everything looked good, Dawn took a seat next to Buffy, as bubbly as she had been when she was pre-pubescent.

"Some things will never change between us Summers', will they? But, really I'm not... just.. don't have kids before me, ok?" Dawn could tell she was asking her with all sincerity, and a giggle erupted from her throat. "Oh Buffy.. you don't have to worry! I'm nowhere near ready for THAT yet!"

"Good." she replied simply.

"So.. not even a teensy tiny bit?" Dawn jestured with two fingers, holding them about half an inch apart. Buffy could tell she wanted a yes, and as it was her big day, she decided to concede.

"Fine, yes. But just a teeny, really tiny bit. Angel and I are in a good place, and besides.. it's only been 2 years. No need to rush anything." Dawn raised an eyebrow at the eldest Summers' inquisitively.

"Who are you trying to kid here? It's been you two since you were 16! Ok sure, there was both your deaths, the curse, the breaking up, the vampire issue... wow that list is kinda long, and I really don't think I'm done.. "She caught the pout beginning to cross Buffy's face and decided to end that train of thought. ".. All that aside, you two have been kismet since day one. Besides, isn't Angel all Mr. Impatience these days?" Buffy was compelled to smile at the nickname he had earned. She hardly saw everyone often, and they had all noticed it, had even gone to the extreme of calling him by that name at times. Even Xander, but truthfully, it was a step up from Dead-Boy. Though, that nickname no longer applied, and the thought made her smile wider. "You'd think he'd have jumped on that bandwagon ages ago... really though, Buffy... how come he hasn't asked yet?"

"Honestly Dawnie, I don't know. I know it isn't the commitment thing, because hello? Angel has that in spades. Part of me thinks it's cuz he thinks he doesn't deserve me still, but i'm not worried about it. It really doesn't matter anyways. As long as he sticks around, and i'm pretty sure he will, everything's peachy. Besides, this way I get to be the MAID of Honour and not MATRON of honour.. it'd make me sound so... old." A look of such profound disgust filled Buffy's face, that Dawn had to stifle a laugh.

At that moment, Willow's head appeared through the now open door. "Ready Dawnie?"

***

Tears of joy slid down Buffy's face during the entire ceremony. She couldn't help it. And though her vision was a bit blurred, to say the least, she couldn't take her eyes off the littlest Summers'. Dawn had been having the life she always wanted for her, most importantly, Buffy could tell she was happy. From the moment their mom had died, there had been such suffering visible in her little sister's eyes. Then Dawn had found out what she was, and it only got worse. But now, it was as if it hadn't been there in the first place. Dawn's happiness was her own. She knew leaving Dawn with Giles had been the right choice after all. Dawn was living a real life, a beautiful life, she was an amazing woman, and Buffy couldn't have been prouder.

For his part, Angel couldn't take his eyes off Buffy. He was sitting in one of the front pews, beside Oz. They had been left out of the bridal party since they didn't really know Dawn's fiancee that well. Which was fine by him. Being in the spotlight was never something he enjoyed. Besides, from this vantage point, he could gaze at Buffy undisturbed. Her tears intrigued him. He had seen her cry lots of times throughout their time together, he remembered bitterly, but he knew these were different from those. She was happy, he knew that instinctively, but part of him couldn't help worrying.

So, once outside the church, which he still felt uncomfortable standing in, he searched for her and saw her watching Dawn with tears still brimming in her eyes. With a determined pace he reached her and wrapped his arms around her, and she willingly fell into them.

"Those are happy tears, right?" Angel asked with concern laced in his voice. When Dawn and Ryan had vanished inside the limo, she looked up at him, and smiled.

"Of course." She touched his face gently, running her fingers over his temple and cheek, seemingly trying to erase the anxiety she felt radiating from him, "don't worry, tears at weddings are always of the good. They go together like peas and carrots.... and i'm just being sappy cuz little Dawnie is all grown up... and married! I never thought this day would come so soon... " she trailed off wistfully.

"It's nice."

Buffy looked at him with surprise, "What is? That's she's almost a child bride?"

He let out a short huff of a laugh, and wiped a tear away from her face with the pad of his thumb. "To see you this happy."

She gave him a small grin, and kissed him. "Oh Angel," She looked at his face, illuminated by the light of the sun, and continued, "this is just the tip of the iceberg."

*

8.

Buffy woke up, feeling feather kisses being placed on her hand. She opened her eyes, and locked eyes with Angel. He was wide awake, with her hand in his, smiling down at her.

"I was wondering how long it'd take to wake you... I was about to go to phase two... it's too bad." He leaned in and kissed her twice on the lips, smoothing her hair from her face and trailing his hand down her back.

"I really don't doubt it." She smiled sluggishly, still on the edge of sleep. She suddenly noticed that it was still dark out. "Am I missing something?"

He gave her a knowing smile, and mumbled "You really are", while toying with the fingers on her left hand which he still held in his.

She didn't seem to have heard him, so she continued "Why are we awake so early?" She let out a yawn and stretched a little, trying desperately not to let her eyes close shut in sleep again. She sensed excitement hidden in the undertones of his actions and words, and whatever was going on was definitely not something she wanted to miss.

"I want to ah... show you something."

"Does it involve getting out of bed?" She really didn't think she was awake enough to get up, besides she was nestled beside him comfortably, so she wasn't sure she even wanted to move.

"It does." Immediately she pouted, this was important she could tell, so she wouldn't argue, but it didn't mean she would like it. He flashed her another smile, and kissed her again. "Don't worry," He let go of her and got out of bed. Her pout increased, until she realized he was walking around to her side of the bed, and when he reached it, he picked her up, along with their comforter. "I'll carry you."

She leaned on his shoulder, relishing the fact that she was still in the comfort of his arms. "I won't argue with that, thank you." She placed a light kiss on his neck, feeling him shiver slighty. It was definitely one of Angel's erogenous zones, quite obviously, so it hadn't taken her long to figure out. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He walked out of their room, through their living room and out onto the small balcony overlooking the city of Rome. Buffy suddenly understood the necessity of the down-filled comforter. It wasn't really cold out, but the air was still brisk. She looked around the area, hoping to see what he wanted to show her, but saw nothing unusual. Just the two roundabout chairs, and small table that were always there. He sat down in one of them, and re-arranged the blanket so they were both covered underneath it, with Buffy partially seated in Angel's lap.

"So, what did you.." he interrupted her words with a sudden kiss, that turned into a few more.

"I was thinking we could watch the sunrise together." Ever since becoming human, Angel was partial to the sunrise. There was something hopeful about the beginning of a new day.

"I'd love that." Buffy replied simply, a faint smile on her face. She quickly realized that in all the time they'd been together again, they hadn't done this. But considering she patrolled most nights, trained on others, waking up before sunup wasn't exactly something she did often, if ever. Angel wrapped his left arm around her, and she curled into the crook of his body, and leaned on his chest. Angel began tracing patterns on her side with his left hand, and with his free hand, he reached into the pocket of his sweats and grabbed the small felt box, and kept it hidden underneath the blanket.

All traces of sleep had vanished as Buffy relaxed in her lover's caress.

"So I lied." He spoke, interrupting the peaceful silence that had developed. Startled, Buffy looked up into his eyes. "There's something else I want to show you, well, ask you.... Buffy... I know you know how I love the sunrise. What you don't know, is why, aside from the obvious. The first time I saw you, I loved you. It changed me and i'm a better man because of you. When I see the sky change colour, it reminds me of your love. Everything is so dark, and then the sun comes out, and there is nothing but the light. And that's what you are to me. My own sunrise. Your love made me live. I knew I didn't deserve you, but you loved me anyways. Sometimes I still think I don't, but I KNOW that I can't live without you. So, i'm not even going to try. Until I became human, all we had was the night. Now that I can, I want to give you what you gave me, the Sun... " he unwrapped himself from her, and pulled their arms out of the blanket. She then saw the small box in his hand, and her heart swelled. He opened the box and inside it she saw a gold claddaugh ring with a diamond heart, "Buffy, will you marry me?"

A few more tears slid down her face as she nodded and spoke softly, "Yes, of course Angel.. I love you" He kissed her fervently, then slid the ring onto her finger. After the kiss, he leaned his forehead on hers, Angel holding her left hand in his, and tenderly running his right hand down her face and hair.

As breathtaking as his touch was, a thought crossed Buffy's mind, "I know I might be ruining a completely perfect moment, but I can't help myself..."

"I sense a pun coming on, and I expected one eventually actually." He spoke with a little smile playing on his lips, "Your puns only make me love you more, so no moment ruining... let's hear it."

Buffy returned the smile, loving how well Angel knew her. "My little sister may have gotten married before me, but at least I got engaged before Dawn."

Angel let out a small laugh, and felt compelled to kiss her again. "I can think of a few more things we can do before dawn too..."

***

Buffy took hold of Giles' arm, feeling overwhelmed by the joy inside of her. She looked up into his eyes, and saw the tears welling in his eyes. She smiled at the man she thought of as her father. For a long time now, Buffy knew he'd be the one to walk her down the aisle. And once upon a time, she thought he might not want to, considering the man she was going to marry. Ever since Jenny, and his own torture, Giles had an aversion to Angel, understandably. But shortly after her and Angel's reunion, post humanity, he seemed to have let it go. He was even being nice to Angel, and she knew they might never have a father-son relationship, but she was grateful Giles was making the effort to put the past behind him. Being re-inserted into the Scooby gang had to have been hard enough on Angel without the antagonism.

"Thank you Giles, for being here. For doing this, I know Angel is not your favourite person.."

Giles interrupted her by gently squeezing her hand, "Buffy, I may not be Angel's biggest fan, but I also cannot deny that he loves you, and you him, so I would never stand in the way of your happiness. The Powers have given him his redemption, so who am I to deny that? Besides, I'd be here no matter who, even if it was Spike that you were marrying."

They shared a knowing smile, and abruptly Buffy wrapped her arms around Giles. "You're the best father a girl could have."

It was the first time she had verbally referred to him as such, and it made a few of the tears welling in his eyes, slide down his cheeks. They let go, and he tried, unsuccessfully, to wipe them away before she saw. She was kind and pretended not to have. Buffy looked around, taking in the beauty around her. Angel and herself had decided to skip the traditional wedding service in a church and opted instead for holding it outside, somewhere where the sun would shine down lovingly on both of them. They were getting married in Vernazza, a small village by the sea, in Italy. It was perfect for them. Just the sea, mountains, sun and nature surrounding them. It was intimate, just like she wanted her wedding to be. Angel had been the one to recommend it, ironic that she'd be grateful for once, of his vampire days. He even went as far as saying that it hadn't changed much in the many years since he had been there.

Buffy heard the soft notes of the piano, and knew it was time. She had an aversion to the classic wedding march, so they chose an instrumental version of Unchained Melody. It had always been a favourite of hers, ever since Joyce played it on vinyl when she was a little girl. Then she had the romance of a lifetime, and it always made her think of Angel.

Giles held out his arm, and she looped hers through it. They headed into the direction of the makeshift aisle, the bridesmaids (Dawn, Willow and Renee) walking ahead of her. Once she reached it, and made eye contact with Angel, there was no one else, nothing else. The look and smile on his face was one she had never seen before. Even from where she was, she could see the tear sliding down his cheek, and knew she was experiencing a happy Angel. And it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Once she reached him, and Giles handed her over to her future husband, she had to restrain herself from kissing him senseless. They held hands during the entire ceremony, and kept their eyes locked on each other for most of it.

"The bride and groom will now share a poem of their love and commitment."

Notes were unneccessary because both Buffy and Angel knew this poem very well. In fact, they had come across it together one lazy afternoon in Rome. They had just enjoyed a simple picnic and were laying in each other's arms, soaking up the sun and reading. It had been in Angel's book, and he read it aloud to her, and they both loved it immediately. Buffy partially because it had come out of Angel's mouth. When it came time to deciding what to do regarding their vows, he had wanted to do traditional vows, whereas Buffy had wanted to write her own. Angel had been against the idea of opening up so much with so many people around. They ended up compromising with the poem that stood out in their minds instead.

(**Buffy** - Angel)

**"I carry your heart with me **(I carry it in my heart) I am never without it

(**anywhere I go, you go, my dear; **and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

**I fear no fate **(for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world

(**for beautiful you are my world, my true**)

**and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant** and whatever a sun will always sing is you

**Here is the deepest secret nobody knows **(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud,

**and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; **which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

**And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart, ** I carry your heart

**(I carry it in my heart)"**

Buffy and Angel had slipped each other's rings onto one another during the recital of the poem, which they would now always consider as their own. Facing one another, each could see the profound happiness in the other, and for Buffy's part, at least, she wondered why it had taken so long to get to this moment. But then again, it didn't matter. This day was perfect, and she only wished it could last forever.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

And so he did.

9.

Buffy walked out of the bathroom expecting to find Angel in his chair, with a book in his hand. Instead, he was nowhere to be seen. But she was pretty sure she knew where he was. She walked out of their room, and headed down towards the nursery, in the next room. She glanced inside, and upon seeing him sitting in the rocking chair, a small baby cradled in his arms, she smiled. He was gazing affectionately, and humming for the sleeping child. When he noticed her entrance, he looked up and gave her the familiar smile he always had when he was elated.

"Couldn't help yourself, could you?" She returned the smile, walking over to them, and placed a small kiss on the baby's forehead and a larger one on Angel's lips when she reached them. "Not that I blame you."

They had just gotten back from the hospital that morning, and Angel couldn't seem to go too far away from either of them. She didn't mind of course, Angel nearby was never of the bad. He was fiercely protective, and she understood that as well. Seeing as how he had lost Connor in the first months of his life. This was their first child together, and she couldn't help but feel it as well. The son of two champions had to be a commodity, and of course they took all the necessary precautions. She didn't like thinking of it, so she moved onto happier territory. Their firstborn son, William Cordell. In both their lives, they had lost lots of loved ones. So, it didn't surprise them that they ended up naming him after Spike and Cordelia (well the male version of her name, and the real version of Spike's). It had seemed right, Angel had loved Cordy, and she had loved Spike, maybe not as much as each other, but it had been profound, in its own way.

"Buffy, he's so beautiful... I always wanted to know what a child of ours would look like, and now I know... he's perfect, he's ours, Buffy. Yours and mine." Angel spoke gently, touching his son's face lightly. "If I could lose my soul to perfect happiness still, right now it'd be gone."

She smacked him lightly on the arm, "So what, it couldn't have been before?" She put on a pout, faking offense and crossing her arms.

He smiled up at her, "Of course, it would have been gone the day I came back to you.. i'm just saying this moment is another perfect one." She could tell he hadn't caught onto her mock offense, and she giggled at that, and the fact that they were joking about losing his soul. She suddenly realized that they had moved on and let go of all the pain of their past, and enjoyed the feeling.

"I know, i'm just teasing you Angel. This is pretty perfect for me too. Gazing down at my men. My beautiful men." She emphasized on the word "beautiful", knowing he'd get riled up over that.

"I meant that in the manliest way, of course."

"Of course." She nodded sarcastically, a small smile on her face.

He stood up slowly, realizing he was being very ungentlemanlike, sitting down while his just-had-his-baby wife was standing still. Buffy also realized what he was doing and instead of sitting, wrapped her arms around her men, relishing in the feeling of completeness she had doing so. She then ran her hands up and down Angel's back, and planted a soft kiss on his lips, and then another, and another...

"I think maybe I should put William down for this."

"I'll put him in his crib, let mommy get a turn." Angel handed the baby over, and she lovingly held him in her arms, without making a move to put him down.

"You tricked me, didn't you?" He crossed his arms, this time being the one with the pout on his face.

She smiled playfully at her husband, "Never. I'm just taking a moment." she turned towards William's crib, but still didn't let him go. Instead smiled down at her little man.

She then felt Angel move her hair to one side of her neck, place his arms around her and then plant a seductive kiss on the curve of her neck. She felt her body warm to his touch, and spoke, "Devil."

Angel smiled, glancing at his son, "Not anymore, nope. But two can play your game.." He kissed her a few more times.

"Ok, ok.. you win." Buffy kissed William's forehead gently, giving Angel a moment to do the same, then moved out of her lover's arms, and set him softly back into his crib.

"Goodnight baby Liam. Have beautiful dreams." Buffy turned back to her husband, and saw his surprised face.

"Liam?" Angel knew she knew it was his name, just hadn't expected to hear her say it.

"Why not? It is a short version of William, right? It's the proverbial 'two birds with one stone' scenario. Besides, I know you like it.. don't try to deny it."

"Oh, I wasn't planning to." He gave her a familiar smile, also wondering how he was so lucky. She moved towards him, wrapping their arms around each other.

Buffy planted another kiss, firmer, longer and deeper this time, "Soooo... where were we?" She managed to say after pulling away, an alluring smirk on her face. He picked her up unexpectedly, and walked out of the room and into their own. He placed her down on the bed and leaned over her.

"Right about here, actually."

***

"Mommy, me hold him?" Liam looked up at his mother with big puppy dog eyes and she couldn't say no. She saw Angel's knowing smile in the background, realizing he'd give in too.

"Yes Liam, of course. Just come sit beside me ok?" She scooted over on her hospital bed, making space for her son. Angel picked him up and placed him beside her, and took the baby from her arms, knowing it'd be the safest and easiest way of handing him over to big brother William.

"Ok, Liam. Be careful, and make sure you keep your arm under his head." Angel knew it wouldn't be a problem since Liam was leaning on Buffy's leg. Once little brother was in his arms, Angel stood beside his eldest son, keeping a watchful eye.

"What his name?"Liam asked in general, and his parents looked at each other, already having decided on a name.

"Wesley Alexander." Buffy answered. It had only seemed natural to name their second son after Wesley and Xander. Both men were best friends to each of them, and they considered it an honour to name their children after their most beloved family members.

"Like man in daddy's beddy-bye stories!" Liam exclaimed carefully, as he was trying very hard to be careful of his little brother. "me like him."

Buffy and Angel smiled down at their boys, and grabbed each other's hand. Angel especially seemed to enjoy the fact that his son liked Wesley, keeping his memory alive made Angel happier than he had known.

"So did Daddy and I.. and baby Wesley's middle name is like Uncle Xander's."

Liam beamed up at his mom, "oh yeah!"

She had known he would like that, considering Xander and her son got along so well. It had surprised Angel at first, considering he and Xander had always had such animosity between each other. But life was funny like that, and Xander just loved little Liam. She continued watching over her sons, sensing some protectiveness in Liam, just like Angel, she thought.

In that moment, Willow walked into the room, and seeing the family all together and Wesley in Liam's arms, exclaimed, "Ok, you guys are soo cute, family picture time!"

She pulled out her camera, "One, two, three.." and snapped the photo.

"CHEESE!" Liam cried out, still not too loudly. He was only three, but he was completely aware of what he had to do. Definitely like his father.

"Liam. Let's give Mommy and Daddy some time with the baby ok? Wanna get some chippies from the vending machine?" Willow waddled over towards the family, as she was currently pregnant with her own bundle of joy. Angel smiled gratefully, and took Wesley into his arms.

"Kay! Dill pickle, pease!" He leaned up and kissed his mom on the cheek and hopped off the bed, taking Willow's hand in his. And together they walked out of the room.

Angel replaced Wesley in his mother's arms, and wrapped an arm around her, and together they gazed at their recently born son.

"I don't have to call him Xander, do I?" Angel feigned worry.

Buffy nudged him in the ribs gently, "You better watch yourself." she smiled. To say the Angel/Xander relationship was perfect, would be a lie, but it had definitely gotten better. Angel's humanity, and Xander's growth as a person, had done alot to change that. Nowadays, they mostly just liked to rib each other every now and then. The now more often than the then, but it was harmless, so Buffy was grateful for that.

"So, when do I get a little girl?" Angel asked, changing topics abruptly.

"A little soon for that don't you think?" She was surprised he was already talking about baby number three. They hadn't even discussed that yet. Of course she wanted a little girl, what woman doesn't? But she already considered herself luckier than she believed possible. Once upon a time, Buffy hadn't even thought she'd live this long, so the idea of children hadn't really crossed her mind. Now she had two, she was living the good life with Angel, HUMAN Angel at that, and he wanted more. But then again, so did she.

"Perhaps.. but you're giving me one, sooner or later." She could hear the tease in his tone of voice, but knew that he was being partially serious.

"Well, well, well.. a little demanding aren't we?" She smiled up at her husband, pleased that he was so excited about children. He kissed her, grinning back at her.

"Yes, but just a little. What can I say, I want a girl next. I want to see you, being motherly and feminine, and dresses and dolls.... see my boys watch over their little sister."

"Would you like a silver platter with that?" Buffy asked sarcastically, but in good fun.

"Nope, I just want a little girl."

***

"I'm kinda glad it was the sooner rather than the later."

"Huh?" Buffy looked over at Angel, laying on the bed beside her, not knowing what he was talking about.

"Our baby girl." He scooted closer to his wife, and kissed their girl on her forehead, who was currently wide-eyed staring at her mommy, and being held by said person.

"Oh.. ya me too... wait, what do you mean exactly?"

"I don't know how much longer I could have waited.. Buffy, she's the spitting image of you.. and look at those eyes, it's like she took them right from you. She's beautiful, and this time I mean it in the most girly way possible."

Buffy grinned, and placed a kiss on Angel's lips. "She may look like me, but I can see she has your quiet personality."

"If you mean because she's absorbed in her beautiful mother, then yes. Quite like her daddy."

Josie Taralynn was born 4 years after Wesley. And they had decided, she'd be their last. Two boys had been a handful, and three beautiful children were more than either thought they'd ever get. And life had blessed them with a girl. As far as procreation, they were done.

"For a newborn, she is quite quiet isn't she?" From the moment she had been born, Josie hardly cried.

Angel chuckled, "You only think that because of our two strapping young boys. Don't tell me you're complaining?"

"Of course not, i'm just not used to this. She's perfect Angel.. all three of them are." She ran a hand down the side of Josie's face, and held her little hand. "Speaking of, how come they aren't in here yet?"

"They'll be in here shortly, i'm sure. It's early for them still... you should enjoy these quiet moments because you know the minute Liam walks in here, he'll want to hold her... and then so will Wesley, and that'll be it for mommy time."

Buffy only smiled, and stared back at her daughter, and for a few moments, the two ladies were transfixed in each other. Angel then turned to his bedside table, careful not to disturb them, and pulled out his sketchpad and pencil. He began drawing them meticulously, trying to capture the image before it passed. Buffy noticed what he was doing, and didn't move, but a faint smile filled her face, she loved when he drew her and the children. When his movements had slowed, and she knew he was adding the finishing touches, she allowed herself to move and planted a kiss on Josie's forehead. Minutes passed, and they heard the boys down the hall, making their way into the master bedroom.

Liam and Wesley appeared through the door, and ran towards their parents and little sister, bouncing onto the foot of the bed. Angel grinned, quickly trying to finish up, and Buffy patted the bed beside her, and the two sons squeezed in between their parents.

"Good morning boys!" She placed small kisses on the tops of their heads, as Angel finished and put away his sketchpad.

"G'Morning mommy and daddy!" Wesley exclaimed, while Liam, noticing his father simply asked, "Are you drawing mom and baby Josie again?"

"Good morning to you too Liam." Angel replied with a smirk on his face. "And yes I was... again."

"Sorry dad, I was just curious. Good morning!" Liam spoke cheerfully, and turned towards his mother, "Mom, can I hold her?"

Buffy turned towards Angel and saw him raise an eyebrow, "Me too, me too!" Wesley chimed in.

"Of course you both can." She passed Josie into Liam's careful and steady arms, and stretched. Once she was in Liam's arms, and at a more reachable height, Wesley kissed his little sister softly, and both brothers smiled down at her. Buffy and Angel locked eyes, and their hands found each other, and together, they gazed down lovingly at their children.

10.

"So, this is me getting old? ... interesting." Angel was staring at himself in their bedroom mirror, touching his face where the wrinkles were already developed. Buffy came up beside him, and wrapped an arm around him, as she too glanced at herself in the mirror.

"Well, for being 300+ years old, you look damn good... me on the other hand..." She made a face of disgust, and Angel had to smile at that. He turned towards her, and kissed her temple.

"You could be 100 and you'd still be the most beautiful woman i've ever met."

"That's just a fancy way of saying that you'll love me even when i'm old and wrinkly... but hey! not complaining about that. Besides, getting old is something I always looked forward to.. back when I thought I'd die young, that is. The wrinkling part kinda worries me still... but now, getting old WITH my Angel; which by the way, never thought THAT'D happen, wrinkles don't seem that bad... if it means you get them too, i'll take 'em any day.... It just occured to me, I've always thought of aging as an aspiration, but what about you? Do you miss your immortality?"

This time, Angel had to laugh at that. "Miss what? Drinking blood, worrying about the evil inside me, if i'll hurt the ones I love, seeing everyone die around me while I stay the same age? Outliving you? ppfffhht. Growing old with you, has always been my aspiration. And the wrinkles don't worry me, i've had my youth longer than.. well.. anyone. In fact, I welcome it. Death is a part of life, and I'm happy to be a part of that again."

Buffy felt relieved. Part of her always worried that Angel might be regretting humanity, she knew it was irrational, but she couldn't help it. It was perhaps because of what happened with Ford all those years ago. Lots of people would like to stay young forever, and Angel had for a long time, so it wasn't that silly to assume he might miss it.

"You know, we might be the only two people alive looking forward to getting older." They were now facing each other, arms firmly holding one another. Buffy smiled as she spoke, the thought of Angel as an old man and her beside him as an old woman, was strangely appealing.

"Ya, i'm excited about the idea of it; our kids getting older and being a part of all that entails, taking care of each other, then the forgetting things, the playful bickering, even the aches and pains. I look forward to it, because I just wanna grow old with you."

"I know the feeling.... I love you, Angel." Buffy replied. Angel then leaned down, and planted a loving kiss on her lips. They could hear their children playing in the background, and both smiled at that.

The painful days of her youth were long past, she had survived and so had her scoobies. Dawn experienced the life Buffy had always wanted for her, the man of her dreams was beside her, the beautiful children she never thought possible were, and she was truly happy.

"And I love you, always."

***

THE END

* * *

So, what did you think? Please review, and thanks!


End file.
